As I grow older, my fear grows too!

Another year which means another birthday and an extra number added to the one that you already had. Sigh.

As this week is coming to an end, I’ll be bidding farewell to my current age, and reluctantly prepping myself for my new age which I’m starting to fear. I have a phobia of growing old, and quite frankly, I don’t want to grow old.

Today, it dawned on me that I’m so far yet so close in reaching the mid- 20s when someone asked how old I was through a BBM conversation we were having, but my battery saved the day by dying. I was smiling when the battery died, and with it being dead, it meant I didn’t have to work on an answer of trying to glam up my newly age to be. (By the way, my answer was going to be my current age).

I’ve often heard that older saying; ‘kumnandi ukhukhula’ (growing up is fun) but to a certain extent, I don’t think so. I mean, having nightmares about growing up isn’t fun. Well… to me! Maybe it’s their way of trying to console themselves.  I often ask myself questions such as; if I’m scared of ageing while I’m still in my early twenties, what will happen when I reach the big 30? Damn…Did I have to remind myself? To forget, let me indulge in a little story.

A few months ago, a friend of mine celebrated his birthday and being the loving group of friends that we are, we treated him to a fine dining experience with an after-party after wards. As happy as he was; something that bothered him the most is the fact that he realised that he’s not getting any younger. Actually, he’s at that point where he says; “he’s 20- something”.

Rings a bell???

I’m sure it does! I get his point; In fact, I’m also suffering from the same disease as well (but I’m no where near his age. Not even close).  

When I turned 20, I feared ageing and wished I could go back to being 18 again. I was terrified, and whenever someone would ask about my age, I would stick to the ‘19 turning 20’ routine. I mean, I’ve partied with people that are 35 years old but still looked like their in their mid- 20s. So, as a consolation, I still hope that this will happen too, it’s not impossible after all. I hope this anti-ageing pang I’m having will go away soon. For good!

When you’re older you’re wiser, right!? I hope so. So, I’ll TRY to embrace my new number.